


All's Fair (Seriously)

by T Verano (t_verano)



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Fluff, Halloween, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-31
Updated: 2011-10-31
Packaged: 2017-10-25 03:08:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/271068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t_verano/pseuds/T%20Verano
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the <a href="http://five-0-frolic.livejournal.com/6032.html">Halloween Hula comment fic fest</a> for the prompt:<br/>   <i>Steve somehow ends up having to wear a ridiculous unmanly costume, like a fairy or princess or something, complete with tights and tutu, wings, whatever. (I'm picturing The Rock as the Tooth Fairy, for example.) Maybe he lost a bet and has to wear it to a party or maybe he has to do it for Grace, where they have to be a matched pair, trick-or-treating or a party, coz he can't deny her anything.<br/>Bonus if Danny promises to reward Steve afterwards, leading to him peeling off the costume slowly and driving Steve crazy. Smexy times ensue.<br/>Any rating, but porn would be most awesome.</i></p><p>Not that I achieved any actual porn here. Sadly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All's Fair (Seriously)

**Author's Note:**

> First posted on LJ [at the comment-fic meme](http://five-0-frolic.livejournal.com/6032.html?thread=77456#t77456) and [on my LJ](http://t-verano.livejournal.com/59789.html) October 31, 2011.

"You put her up to this," Steve said fiercely the minute Grace left the living room. Danny briefly considered the wisdom of patting him down for grenades, since that was Steve's "I have portable explosive devices in my pockets and I lust to use them inappropriately" voice, but figured he was safe enough for now. Gracie would be back any moment and Steve wasn't likely to actually explode Danny in front of her eyes; fortunately, Steve did have _some_ self-imposed limits.

Danny gestured at his ice-pack-sporting knee. "If you recall, Steven, _I_ was supposed to take her trick or treating. Had you not been so careless as to force me to mess my knee up yet _again_ , I would be donning my own costume right now, getting ready to take my daughter out on what should be a night sacred to father-daughter bonding. Instead, I will be lying here all evening on your couch watching a Friday the 13th marathon all by my lonesome self and popping extra-strength Tylenol, so I fail to see where any of this is not your own -- fatheaded, I might add -- fault."

"You were going as a vampire." Steve glared at Danny, ignoring practically everything Danny had just said. Not that this was a surprise or anything, Steve excelled at that. "A vampire, Danny, not a fucking --"

"Watch it," Danny warned, and Steve at least had the decency to look abashed. "She's still upstairs," he muttered, ducking his head, "but yeah, sorry, Danno."

It was ridiculous how Steve could do that, change in one blink of an eye from some sort of human/robot weapons-deployment system to a dorky twelve-year-old. Danny wanted to yank him down on the couch and kiss that stupid expression right off his face. Which, come to think of it, was probably a _deliberate_ expression on Steve's part, since the asshole knew exactly what that kind of dorky face did to Danny's otherwise well-controlled libido --

"Uncle Steve! You need to put your costume on!" Gracie's excited voice came from the top of the stairs and Danny looked up. His heart immediately filled almost to bursting at the happiness in her face. So maybe it also hurt, just a little, to see her so thrilled at the prospect of trick or treating with Steve instead of her Danno, but it was hard to hold onto that hurt when Steve was standing there looking at Grace like an overgrown puppy whose owner had just patted it on its stupid, dorky head.

Okay, yeah, it was also hard to hold onto that hurt when Grace's arms were full of glittery and gauzy and very, very pink -- and hopefully Steve-sized, Rachel had better have gotten the sizes right -- _things_. For Steve to wear. All evening.

In public.

Nothing could entirely make up for Danny's knee and for missing this night with Gracie, but this? This was going to come close.

Very. Very. Close.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Danno, don't look yet," Gracie called from the top of the stairs.

Danny slapped his hand over his eyes and waited, listening to his daughter's light footsteps running down the stairs, and louder slip-slapping noises that had to be Steve, although what the hell --

"Okay, you can look now." Grace's voice was bursting with pride and there went Danny's heart again, way too big to fit in his body, not with Gracie looking like that. She was a perfect fairy princess, sparkling and so beautiful Danny couldn't breathe for a moment. She twirled around on the tips of her toes, ballet slippers glittering with chips of rhinestones or something Rachel must've glued on, the feathery silver wings on her back fluttering a little as she moved.

Danny cleared his throat. "You're the most beautiful, magical, and most loved princess in the whole world, Monkey, you know that? I wish I could go with you tonight. I wish everybody could see me trick or treating with such a beautiful fairy princess, they'd all be so jealous of me."

"I wish that too, Danno," Gracie said, suddenly solemn. She leaned forward and kissed Danny's cheek, like she was the adult offering Danny comfort, and if Danny's heart survived tonight, seriously -- "But it's okay," she said, and smiled again, her megawatt Gracie smile. "Everybody can be jealous of Uncle Steve tonight, and we promise to share all our candy with you when we get back, so you won't have to miss _everything_."

Danny had to clear his throat again before he could answer. "Thank you, Monkey. I appreciate that."

Then Grace tugged at his hand and bounced up and down. "Doesn't Uncle Steve make a good fairy princess, too?"

Danny certainly hoped so. He tore his eyes away from Fairy Princess Numero Uno and looked around for Fairy Princess Numero Dos, who should've been standing right there beside Gracie, not...right, way off in the shadowiest corner of the living room where Danny couldn't see him for shit.

"Steven?" Danny said. "Front and center, princess."

Grace giggled and Danny grinned at her.

The tall, lumpy, pink and white blob in the corner moved forward, a lot more slowly than Steve usually walked. For which, yeah, Danny couldn't blame him, not after Steve made it out to the middle of the living room where Danny could see every -- single -- detail.

Jesus, Joseph, and Mary.

The tights were white, which was something of a disappointment, but Danny supposed Rachel hadn't been able to track down hot-pink SEAL-sized tights on such short notice.

On the other hand, the tights were... _tight_. That was a definite plus.

They were the kind of tights that stopped at the ankles, and that was a plus too, since Steve's toenails were painted with some sort of metallic pink and gold polish. And that charming fact was visible because Steve was wearing flip-flops, flip-flops that Danny was willing to bet Gracie had poured pink glitter powder all over at the same time she'd clearly poured the same glitter powder over Steve's _feet_ , which, just _yes_. Oh, God, yes.

Already Danny's knee was feeling avenged, and his eyes were only now making it up to -- and this, this was it, exactly, right here -- to _tutu_ level.

"The tutu?" Danny murmured, his eyes frozen on all those pink ruffley... _ruffles_. "Totally _you_ , babe." Steve made some kind of warning sound in his throat that Danny chose to ignore, because it was the man's own fault he looked so disturbingly fuckable in a tutu, for Christ's sake. You couldn't have abs like that and thighs like that and put on an obscenely pink and skintight wifebeater and a _tutu_ and not expect to stir things up.

Hell, no, you couldn't.

Moving right along -- before things got out of hand and Danny either laughed himself sick and hurt Gracie's feelings or...okay, there wasn't any 'or'. He couldn't exactly do anything with Steve, _to_ Steve, any of the million and one very, very adult things he suddenly wanted to do to Steve and his sparkly feet and pink, flouncy tutu, until Grace was safely back at Rachel's. So, moving right along --

"You used a glitter pen on Uncle Steve's tattoos, didn't you, sweetheart?" Danny said. "What a...what a terrific idea."

And why hadn't _he_ thought of that before? Steve did for tatts what Angelina Jolie did for lipstick, and watching those tattoos move under the light, glittering and alive, as he and Steve...

Whoa. Moving right along. Again.

Wings, right. The top edges of feathery pink wings sticking up over Steve's shoulders, Danny could deal with that. They looked a little undersized, actually. Again, probably not easy to find fairy-princess wings in SEAL-appropriate sizes. Understandable.

Okay, the tiara on the top of Steve's head, that Danny could've done without. It looked absolutely ludicrous, yeah, which Danny fully appreciated, but nobody in their right mind gave Steve McGarrett anything that could be mistaken for a crown. Steve already had enough issues about being in control of everything; King Steve -- Queen Steve, whatever -- would be unlivable-with.

Danny dropped his eyes from the sparkle-covered circle sitting somewhat crookedly on Steve's head down to Steve's face, which was --

Which was --

"Danny," Steve said from between gritted teeth, "shut up."

Gracie, bless her, giggled again. "I know your mom doesn't let you put on makeup yourself, Monkey," Danny said. "Did you help Uncle Steve put on his makeup? You did a really good job."

"I told him everything to do." Grace nodded vigorously. "He made funny faces, though."

"I'll bet he did," Danny said to her. To Steve, he said, "I would've paid to see that, Princess Steven. Just so you know."

Steve glared at Danny and Grace giggled some more. Danny bit his lip and didn't giggle, if only because he couldn't possibly stop laughing again in this lifetime once he started. Steve had big bright-pink blotchy circles of blusher or whatever it was Rachel used -- much more discreetly, so very _much_ more discreetly -- on his cheeks. And glittery pink lips. And mascara on his eyelashes...okay, that was -- how did McGarrett _do_ that with his eyelashes? His eyes looked...and really, those lips, pink and glittering --

Moving. Right. Along.

Right.

Something was missing here; okay, what was Danny...

Ah. Yes. Fairy Princess Numero Dos apparently preferred clenching his jaw and standing at parade rest to twirling, and that? That would never do. Even if the sight of Steve's tutu-wearing ass caused Danny more pain -- and it would -- it would be worth it. Steve owed him. He snapped his fingers at Steve. "Twirl, princess."

"Excuse me?" Steve's voice was not exactly friendly.

" _Twirl._ " Danny made a twirling motion with his hand and Steve narrowed his preposterously long-lashed eyes.

His preposterously long-lashed eyes that had glitter on the eyelashes, and that just wasn't _fair_.

" _Oh_ ," Steve said, looking at Danny with a completely different expression and swallowing.

And batting his eyelashes. The dick.

Then he twirled. Slowly, and without anything resembling what was probably proper fairy princess twirling style, but yeah, there was the back view Danny had wanted, and Steve was still turning, turning back to face Danny, with his ridiculous costume and his willingness to do anything at all for Gracie, and fuck, his insanely perfect body.

,And all that glitter.

"Can we go now?" Grace asked, grabbing Steve's wrist and trying to tug him towards the door. "Please?"

"Let me take your picture first, you and Uncle Steve. Then you can go," Danny said, reaching for his phone and smiling.

His two Fairy Princesses, who'd come back in a couple of hours with too much candy, and Grace asleep on her feet but happy enough to light up the whole island. And Rachel would pick Gracie up, and then, then Fairy Princess Number Two would be all Danny's for the rest of the night.

Every sparkly, glittery inch of him.

Now that? _That_ was fair.  
   
 


End file.
